On the Up Side

I cried on my way home from class tonight.

I was so overwhelmed with how wonderful the day was.  How lucky I am to be HERE.  Learning along side of these amazingly gifted and dedicated people.  Under the tutelage of such an esteemed and invigorating group of professionals.  Me!

One of my classmates is the physical antithesis of me.  Where I am towering, she is pixie like.  Where I am pale, she is warmed by the sun.  But, oh, how I yearn to be just like her!!  Why?  She plays with abandon, with passion, with a life-or-death commitment.  Manuel Duque - one of my most influential teachers of this mutable craft - once said, "No one wants to play with someone who has no investment in the game.  You want to play with the person who has raised the stakes to pants-peeing excitement.  Where to win is to live with joy and to lose is to die of unhappiness."  And this is exactly what makes her so immensely watchable.  She plays each game to win.  No deferment to the men towering over a foot over her head.  No half-invested energy.  And it is the same kind of energy and commitment she brings to performance.  Her investment in the 'play' is to compete, to revel, to enjoy, to WIN!

She is one of the many vastly talented and inspiring classmates with bright, shiny ideas that I will be stealing (magpie like)....to build my own glittering nest.

Today we were introduced to our new movement teacher.  We talked neuroscience.  About how pathways in the brain fuse to form links when certain physical gestures are repeated.  How those patterns can become habitual ruts that we have to consciously step out of (like pulling your bike wheel from the tram track) in order to explore new patterns.  How the body is an interface: how you process and understand the world; and how the world processes and understands you.  How the mind (dreams, conscious thought, sensing, emotions etc) is housed in the brain (a physical part of your body) - and how the brain can be altered by the physical actions you take.  We talked about pain.  We talked about how the idea of 'no pain no gain' has created fear and limitations in our bodies.  How it has set up our bodies as a problem to be solved instead of a mystery to be discovered.  We talked about athletes....and how they sacrifice longevity for pushing themselves through pain in order to excel in a limited number of years of a career.  We talked about how we, as actors, want to have a longevity of career that requires that our bodies be conditioned, but not wrecked.  That in order to have a long working career, we must honor and explore our instrument.  We explored the idea that our bodies are capable of so much more than we usually explore - that we live in about 10% of our capabilities.  But instead of focusing on all the things we already have, but don't use...we always end up looking and wishing for what we DON'T have.  We talked about archetypes.  How useful they are in the storytelling of the world - and how we are likely to fall into the casting ranges of one archetype or another.  She encouraged us to "play the game well, but don't get caught by the game".  That is to say, we will all get typecast, but that doesn't mean it is our authentic self...or the only role we are able to play.  That through constant stretching, exploration and growth, we will be ready to spring at creative opportunities when they open up - or when we create them for ourselves.  And we talked about keeping the 'crazy bit' of our brains alive.  We are all professionals.  We are all logical.  We all have duties and obligations and work ethic and know how to follow the rules.  But that little crazy bit of the brain is what keeps dreaming - keeps the glow alive in your performance.

That glow is what I came to school to rekindle.

I had gotten so far away from my spirit. I had gotten so bogged down in the WORK that I had forgotten why I wanted to do it in the first place.  There was a flicker there, but I needed to fan it into a glow - something that could light my way.

At lunch, I realized that I unwittingly had a book in my backpack that was written by my new movement teacher, Lorna.  I had bought it as a supplement to my studies, not knowing that I would be studying directly under the author.  As my dad said, "She wrote the book."

During lunch, I downloaded the Jacques Lecoq book on my Kindle - so that I could read up on commedia before we started half-masks in our afternoon class.  Oh, what delight to be working on comedy and half-masks!  There is something extremely uninhibited about working with these creatures.  We spent the first half of class exploring physically: through undulations discovering what the movement, breath and voice could be of someone who walks through life leading with knees, pelvis, chest or head, and experimenting with low or high centers of gravity.  We then had a chance to play.  We took the mask in our hands for a short time in order to get to know it's physicality.  Each of the 13 masks were wildly different, but almost all had a unifying feature of duality.  One would have a droopy, sleepy face and eyes, but a bright, upturned nose.  One would have a scowling, furrowed brow, but kooky crossed eyes.  My classmates and I took turns rolling on the floor in laughter as these pathetic, desperate characters emerged.  My personal experience was quite powerful.  I very rarely allow myself the freedom to explore the truly ridiculous.  But behind the mask was a pure freedom to meet the mask where it required me to be.  Even if (and especially if) that life was absurd to the world.  I don't think I could have had more fun if I were a seven year old presented with glitter and ponies and stickers and bubblegum.

On to our next new class: period dance.  I'll be honest, after seeing a long, dull performance of 18th century choreographed dances not two weeks ago...I wasn't terribly excited about the prospect of the class.  I could not have been more off the mark.  This class is one of the few practical classes we have in our current course.  Many of our classes are built around creating strength and flexibility in our instrument or giving us new tools to put into our practice.  All of this is fantastic, but it takes a bit of digestion and processing in order to figure out IF each tool is right for us as individuals...and HOW to translate the tool into a useful way of working.  This dance class will give me a skill that is immediate currency in the working world.  When I walk out (hopefully with a certification in each of the 4 dances we will be learning) - I will be able to confidently approach a merengue on film or a jive on stage without flinching (and believe me...I flinch if someone asks if I can dance!)  "Jive?" you say? "Period Dance?"  Yes.  It is from a specific period.  And many classical plays are set in time periods that use this particular culture and dance.  We are also learning some more stately, formal 19th century dances.  We came out of class dripping with sweat and bubbling over with excitement.  Here is something I don't have to mull over and figure out.  It is exactly what it promises to be.  Tough and useful.  And taught by yet another professional with a mind-blowing resume - check here for more - but for a taster:  Paul choreographed the wand battle sequences for Harry Potter - developing the physical language for the use of wands in the films (as well as choreographing dance scenes for virtually every Jane Austen film to cross the BBC).  Not shabby.

Delicious day.

(And yes, I know I am the quintessential cliche theatre student on a roller coaster of emotion.  One week struggling to get one foot in front of another, bawling in frustration...the next week crying tears of joy for the amazing course I'm on.  I know.  I know.  I didn't say this blog would be pretty.  It is what it is:  Me.)